tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5291233077621229166.post7097255128338977436..comments2022-09-04T13:07:46.930-07:00Comments on Getting Verbal Abuse out of my Life: Changing my ThinkingUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5291233077621229166.post-4021322920651497982008-06-03T07:54:00.000-07:002008-06-03T07:54:00.000-07:00I agree with you, jennie. The concern I have with ...I agree with you, jennie. The concern I have with Katie's work is that it's considered to be 'self help'. Because I've been talking to hundreds of people about abusive relationships, nearly every person says he or she was accused of being abusive BY THE ABUSER. <BR/><BR/>Our minds are spinning in circles after a heart-to-heart discussion with an abuser. A good therapist would never suggest we 'turn abuse around and blame ourselves.'<BR/><BR/>Haven't we all had quite enough of that already??<BR/><BR/>P.S. I like the quote you clipped from Dr. Burns book! I cringe at the current trend to avoid negative thoughts and feelings!! What a great way to absolve ourselves from social responsibility!<BR/><BR/>Hugs,<BR/>CZBZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5291233077621229166.post-83406054674004653562008-06-02T18:23:00.000-07:002008-06-02T18:23:00.000-07:00It is alarming that therapists would be promoting ...It is alarming that therapists would be promoting Byron Katie's work as cognitive therapy. I agree that it has to potential to play right into the abusers hands. The abuser tries to turn things around and say that <I>you</I> are abusing <I>him</I>. <BR/><BR/>The first question, "Is it true?" is a good one to ask. But Dr. David Burns says explicitly, "One disclaimer is necessary. There are many times when negative feelings are healthy and appropriate. Learning to accept these feelings and how to cope with a realistically negative situation is just as important as learning how to rid yourself of distorted thoughts and feelings."<BR/><BR/>A good therapist will always help you be in reality, not escape it.jenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05373121865782897369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5291233077621229166.post-63474144317497780442008-06-02T15:05:00.000-07:002008-06-02T15:05:00.000-07:00ha! Let's take a typical situation with a rebellio...ha! Let's take a typical situation with a rebellious teen-ager at home. We might say something like, "My kid is sooooooooo disorganized."<BR/><BR/>Then we walk in our messy bedroom, turn the thought around and say, "Wow. I'm disorganized". <BR/><BR/>This increases our awareness of projection as a human tendency and we hastily correct dysfunctional thinking by taking responsibility for our behavior.<BR/><BR/>Then we look at the abusive relationship with someone who has planted seeds of self-doubt in our hearts and minds. We finally dredge up the courage to say, "My husband is abusive."<BR/><BR/>If we turn that thought around and say, "I am abusive", there is NO awareness because it is a lie. We become even more confused and our efforts ‘grounding ourselves in reality’ are thwarted. <BR/><BR/>Psychotherapists are promoting Byron Katie’s work as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. But there needs to be a warning to those who ARE dealing with abusive partners (parents, siblings, leaders, etc.). <BR/><BR/>It is inappropriate to suggest we are seeing things through distorted lenses when in fact, we are seeing REALITY as it IS. <BR/><BR/>I believe this technique has the potential of revictimizing the victim, which often leads to our silencing. We stop speaking the truth and everyone is comfortable once again, because the status quo remains unquestioned. <BR/><BR/>Oh, those troublesome folks who disturb the peace by telling the truth, eh?<BR/><BR/>Hugs,<BR/>CZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5291233077621229166.post-81914221851806356292008-06-02T00:31:00.000-07:002008-06-02T00:31:00.000-07:00I love your answers CZ. You are right.An erroneous...I love your answers CZ. You are right.<BR/><BR/>An erroneous thought that makes us feel happy puts us at high risk of feeling very unhappy when reality whaps us in the head.jenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05373121865782897369noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5291233077621229166.post-88707287591725556322008-06-01T22:29:00.000-07:002008-06-01T22:29:00.000-07:001.Is it true? 2.Can you absolutely know that it's ...1.Is it true? <BR/><BR/>2.Can you absolutely know that it's true? <BR/><BR/>3.How do you react when you believe that thought? <BR/><BR/>4.Who would you be without the thought? <BR/><BR/>If Byron Katie is making the assertion that ALL people want to do the right thing, then I'd say she's so far off the mark she'd best turn it around. <BR/><BR/>We know there are people who are conscious of what is right and what is wrong but choose to take advantage of other people simply because they can. <BR/><BR/>They do NOT want to do the right thing, in fact, they find great pleasure in doing the 'wrong' thing.<BR/> <BR/>"Is that true?"<BR/> <BR/>YES<BR/> <BR/> <BR/>"Can I know absolutely that it's true?"<BR/> <BR/>YES<BR/> <BR/> <BR/>"How do I react when I believe that thought?"<BR/> <BR/>Very carefully<BR/> <BR/> <BR/>"Who would I be without that thought?"<BR/> <BR/>A sitting duck<BR/><BR/><BR/>Hugs,<BR/>CZBZCZBZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575206236892096611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5291233077621229166.post-88871923227954908562008-05-31T09:44:00.000-07:002008-05-31T09:44:00.000-07:00Hi,Simply great.Nice analysis.Keep it up.:-)Medita...Hi,<BR/><BR/>Simply great.<BR/>Nice analysis.<BR/><BR/>Keep it up.<BR/><BR/>:-)<BR/><A HREF="http://cosmichealing.blogspot.com/2008/05/meditation-breathing-meditation.html" REL="nofollow">Meditation</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5291233077621229166.post-87804228676053945092008-05-29T10:37:00.000-07:002008-05-29T10:37:00.000-07:00Hi, excellant post...EXCELLANT blog.I just came he...Hi, excellant post...EXCELLANT blog.<BR/><BR/>I just came here from another blog site, after you left me a comment.<BR/><BR/>BelleAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com