Sunday, June 29, 2008

Putting my Life in Drive


I find
I am getting bored with this verbal abuse stuff. I think that's a good sign. It is all so predictable and stupid. I've learned about it, tried everything I know to do, and it just keeps coming up the same. Now that it bores me, rather than intrigues me, I can quit spending so much time and energy trying to figure out WTF is going on with
him and devote all that energy to me.

It has been good and necessary for me to go way into it though. At least it is no longer such a mystery, such a shock
. I'll still be posting about verbal abuse and I expect there will be skirmishes ahead. But now I want to focus on the Getting Out part. I callled this blog "Getting Verbal Abuse out of my Life, not knowing whether it would be gone because he knocks it off, or because I remove myself from his presence. It looks like it will be the latter. Either way is fine with me. There is no place for such nonsense in my life.

Here are some excerpts from an inspiring post by Belle I read a while back:

At least I am making and taking steps and I am happy about that. Finally I have put my life into drive! Even if you are reving and racing the motor,you will never get anywhere in "park".

You can think about changing your life all you want...BUT....thinking ain't DOING! Looking at the "big picture", overwhelms me, so I have to break things down in manageable-doable steps. Some steps may not seem major to others. Don't worry about that. Do what YOU have to do. Have a goal and then have a plan. Then do something about it!

How exciting to live your life in "drive".

How very sad to pass those that CHOOSE to live their lives in "park", while they,wait, and wait and wait some more for the perfect opportunity or the perfect time to "go for it". Only to wake up and discover one day, that the chance and opportunity is GONE.

So, to all of you out there on the highway of life....BEEP...BEEP...!
Ready or comes ^Belle^, putting her life in drive and taking it to the limit!

I've been revving and racing the motor for some time now. That's okay. I needed to do that. I'm kinda stuck in an icy patch, but I've managed to get out of some tough spots before. I figure I can do it again. Sometimes pulling out isn't quick and easy. You have to rock the car back and forth, put some gravel or salt under the tires.You may need a friend to give you a push. But if you keep at it, usually, you'll catch some dirt and start moving forward.


Laura said...

Jennie, my advice to you is not to listen to advice. Okay, I will reframe that: listen to the advice, but only you know what pace and actions are best for you. Put as much or as little gravel in front of those tires as you need, and then drive the car at the speed that is right for you. As no one knows what you have been through, and how much pain you are in and how much your psyche has been damaged, so, too, they don't know how best to heal you. As much as we need our friends (oh, how much we need them) and our writing (oh, how we need that true couch of healing), only you are living you are steering your life. Enjoy the ride--rough patches and all! Laura

CZBZ said...

We learn what we need to know and when we're ready, we do what needs to be done. Even when it's difficult...

People run into problems if they haven't done their homework and aren't quite sure if they're making the right decision or not.

If we've given the relationship our best shot and wrestled with the demons of self-doubt, we can drive into the future without regrets.

You handed him a road map but he still refuses seek direction.

The only person who can apply the brakes to verbal abuse, is the abuser. If he won't do that, well then...all you can do is stay out of his way.

big hugs,

jennie said...

Thank you for your caring and wisdom ladies. I'm not making any sudden moves, but my mind and focus has shifted, and that feels good.

I'm moving deliberately, but slowly, in cleaning up some messes I've got and laying the groundwork for transition. I want to be as prepared as possible for what may come.

I find I have this strong desire to really live fully and passionately again.

Shirley said...

that is such an inspiring speech from belle.

Yeah, focus on yourself! You are on the right track babe!

jennie said...

Yeah, Belle's great. Maybe I'm getting some of my sassy back.

Thanks for coming by Shirley.

Avi said...

Yes, getting on with it is SO important. A great friend of mine reminded me of that a couple of days ago. Although I am still in this marriage, he wisely told me to focus on building the relationship with the kids (6 of them...). Build MY life. That is what is important right now.

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