Saturday, March 15, 2008

Did I mention my drinking problem?

I was never much of a drinker - until I married him. Then the pain along with being trapped in the same house, unable to get away, being forced to see him, I started drinking to cope with the pain.

Only at night, but now, every night. Before bed I drink. 2, 3, shots of something. If something really painful has happened, more, much more. Occasionally so that I have a slight hangover in the morning.

Once I am gone, I suspect I will stop drinking like this and return to my 2 drinks on a weekend night out with friends pre-marital level.

I hate being married to him. I really truly hate it. I wish I could turn back the clock and say no. I wish that the times I left him before we were married that I had stayed gone.

I had too much hope, too much faith in his ability to change.

Now if only I had that kind of hope and faith in myself. At one time I did.

*

3 comments:

Mary Jean Hooper said...

I feel your pain. I don't drink but I smoke. I don't know what takes away my pain. I guess writing is therapeutic.

God bless you.

You will be in my prayers.

Mary Jean Hooper

Thank you for your post. Please sign my guest book at yesihatemyhusband.blogspot.com

pgissyd said...

hi jennie, I felt it only fair since youd read mine that I read yours. My husband is an emotional recluse, he expects me too look after him and the kids while he the man goes out to work. I truly hate being stuck in the house, but for now I have no other choice. mark says he doesnt have emotions or he doesnt know how to express them, I know it all comes from his childhood, all emotion was squashed out of him by his abusive father, but he used to show me, I dont remember when it stopped, but its like I live with a lodger rather than my husband, I dont know him at all anymore. I did take to drinking for a while, but it muddled my mind and stuff got way out of hand from my side, when I stopped the booze things got clearer. please, for your own sanity, stop the drinking. I find long walks help my head a lot. plus writing it down helps too, which your already doing but your holding back, its automatic, you dont want to let it all out, but you should. my husband can get very violent, though he has yet to seriously hurt me, he has accidently hurt one of the kids, it was an accident but itr was as a result of his temper, the day he does it on purpose, me or the kids, is the day I land him in hospital and he knows it. I dont know what Im going to do yet, but Im taking it one day at a time. Keep in touch, you want a shoulder Im here. oh the other thing I find helps is listening to others problems, you realise your not alone and you see solutions you didnt before. hope that helps. take care of yourself Jennnie, and get off the alcohol love, its doing you so much more harm than good.
Hugs, issy xxxx

Shirley said...

ya know. These all sound too familiar. My sister's husband sound like pgissyd story.

And why do i think you sound like thought. I'm not alone.

 
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