Friday, April 25, 2008


One of the more disconcerting behaviors, that I seem never to become accustomed to, is his pretending that nothing is wrong. Acting like nothing happened.

Nothing is happening. All is well. Time heals all wounds, without any apologies, any understanding, any resolution.

Three weeks ago I told him that since he had not changed his behavior, I needed to withdraw from him emotionally and limit my interaction with him as much as possible. Two weeks ago I asked him to quit even touching me. Yet tonight, he asks me if I want to go out to dinner. You would think that after all this time I would somehow be used to it. But I'm not. But I have changed how I act when he does it.

I dodged. Yep, I guess that is a verbal abuse technique, but I didn't do it to abuse. I did need to leave the house right then, but even when I came back, I didn't give him a reply. Nor, surprisingly, did he ask. Weird.

I decided to wait until he asked again hoping he might catch a glimpse of how it feels to not be responded to, as if he hadn't even asked. Not to hurt him, but to help him understand. But then I didn't know if I should just say "No thanks" or whether I should tell him how that strikes me in view of what I have said. Seems like he is ignoring the obvious - there is a problem. He does that in so many areas of his life. I know it isn't limited to me.

So who knows, in his world, maybe instead of giving a direct answer to a direct question, people just ignore you if they mean no. No, I don't think that's it. At least it isn't that way on a business level for him. There have been times when he would continue to call and call a prospect who was sort of shining him on long after I thought, they just don't want to tell you no. But it might be different in the area of personal and women relationships for him. Hmmm, I wonder if he even thinks of me like a woman relationship. I doubt it. Doesn't feel like it.

Or maybe his invitation was just an impulsive act springing from the thought of the moment. Once he forgot about it, I am so nonexistent to him the fact that he had extended an invitation to me wouldn't matter once it was no longer on his mind. I think that's more likely.

And here I am twisting my brain into a pretzel, getting a headache, trying, again, to figure out what they hell is this guy thinking. Guess I better stop doing that.

Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You



Adrian Castle said...

Just stopped in to say hello. You're right on target!

see me over at:

Adrian Castle - Google Me

Listen to 'Google Me - the Movie' on You Tube.

Find and listen to Jim Cobb and there are several broadcasts to get excited about something diffferent.

jennie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jennie said...

Thanks Adrian. It feels like I'm seeing more clearly now.

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