"I Just Lost It"

If you've been abused, you've probably heard that one. "I just lost it". I've never believed it and today I saw the most ridiculous example yet of that particular mode of denying responsibility.

He was up first today and made some coffee. I poured myself a cup and tasted it. Yuck. There is a particular brand of coffee he sometimes buys that I don't like at all. It tastes like very weak coffee brewed with soapy water.

I did the considerate thing and asked if he wanted the coffee I had just poured but didn't want to drink, because I was going to make a new pot. "Sure", he said.

While pouring the coffee from my cup into his nearly empty cup, I spilled some. "Way to go. Nice job.", he said sarcastically. I looked at him and said, "You know, when you say things like that, it makes it highly unlikely I will try to do anything nice for you in the future." He averted his eyes, said nothing and went to get a napkin to wipe up the spill.

A couple hours later he said "I'm sorry I barked at you." "I just lost it." How pathetic. The other times he claims to have "lost it" at least feelings were running high, and while there is no excuse for abusive behavior, at least it is understandable that he may have had strong feelings. Now he tells me "I just lost it" as if anyone would become enraged when some coffee was spilled!?!

He spills stuff constantly and I have never put him down for that. I've always been a bit of a spiller. He used to say he found my clumsiness "cute" and "endearing". It is only now, when I am not falling for his crap anymore, that it becomes an opportunity for him to abuse me. What an idiot.

Next time, I'll just pour the coffee down the drain rather than offer it to him. If that upsets him I'll say, "Sorry, I just lost it."

It's hard to train myself out of acting with basic courtesy towards a person in the same house, but I'm slowly learning.

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