Verbal Abuse is Not About You

Sometimes I look at the words people type in the various search engines that lead them to my blog, and sometimes it breaks my heart.

Today there was this search: "my husband verbally abuses me because I'm fat"

I wish I could give this woman a big hug.

He doesn't abuse you because you're fat; he abuses you because he is abusive.

A good husband would never use an area of sensitivity as a weapon to hurt you. If you weren't overweight, he would find something else mean to say.

My husband is rather portly, and a bit sensitive about it. I know he feels bad about his weight and I would never want to make him feel worse. I have told him I love HIM whatever size he may be.

Even though he has said mean things to me, it would never even occur to me to call him fat. I couldn't feel good about myself if I deliberately inflicted pain on him.

So please know that whenever someone abuses you, it's not about you. It is directed towards you, but it is really about the person who is hurting you.

It is their shame, their pain, their inadequacies. Abuse is always unwarranted regardless of your imperfections. Just because you aren't perfect, doesn't mean you deserve to be abused.

I am so sorry for the pain of this woman, and every other woman and man and child who has felt the sting of ugly words. It's not your fault and you don't deserve it. You deserve love. We all do.

*